Cheer Up For A While

I would like to share some jokes here. Just for cheering up purpose. Hope you all will like it.







FIRST DATE

On our first date, I asked my girlfriend where she'd like me to take her to. She said, "Take me to an expensive place".

So I took her to a petrol station!!



Marry Him

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.


Will You Love Me?

After five years of marriage, Shanti asked her husband, Will you still love me when I am hagged and wrinkled?"

"I already do" came the answer.




When we get married


Parames: When we get married, I want to share all your worries.

Muthu : Thats very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles.


Parames: Well, thats because we aren't married yet.





A Lot Of Confusion


The girl said, "When we get married dear, we'll be part of each other.You will be a part of me and I will be a part of you.

The boy protested, "There'll be a lot of confusion when we get up in the morning to get dressed up".




Good Bye


"May I see you again pretty soon"? Suresh asked as he said goodbye to his girlfriend.


"Why?" she replied in a hurt tone. "Don't you think I am pretty now?"







Embarrassing Moment


John is a very shy boy. He goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the counter. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks timidly, "Excuse me, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.

Naturally, John is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minute, the woman walks over him and apologises. She smiles at him and says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean by two hundred ringgit?"














Angel


First Guy(proudly): My wife is an angel.

Second Guy : You're lucky. Mine is still alive




Jealous Wife

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day, she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.








A Man's Best Friend

A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try the following experiment. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk, behind of your car for an hour.When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?









Mother In Law

A guy brings in his dog to the vet and says, "Could you please cut my dog's tail off?" The vet examines the tail and says, "There is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?" asks the doctor.

The man replies, "My mother-in-law is coming to visit, and I don't want anything in the house to make her to think that she is welcomed".










The Four Stages Of Life


1- You believe in Santa Claus

2- You don't believe in Santa Claus

3- You are Santa Claus

4- You look like Santa Claus










The Human Race

A little girl asked her mother, " How did the human race begin?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made."

Two days later the little girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago, there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed fom monkeys?"

The mother answered, " Well, dear, it's very simple, "I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his."













Where Did I Come From?



One day, our little niece Diwya went to her mother and asked,"Amma, Where did I come from?"

The mother stammered a bit, but finally gained her composure. She thought perhaps it was now time for her little girl to know the facts of life. So she told the little girl how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As she gave the whole story, Diwya's eyes got wider and wider.

When she was finished, little Diwya said, "Wow, that's fantastic! Uncle Rama told me something else. He said he is from Kuala Selangor!"







Bandaged Arm

Little Hamid visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage the boy's arm.

"I think you'd better bandage the other arm, doctor!" said the boy.

"But why? I am supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it."

"You don't know about my friends, doctor!" exclaimed Hamid.






First Day At School

Navin came home from his first day at school. His mother asked, "Well, what did you learn today?"

Where Navin replied, " Not enough. They want me to come back again tomorrow."











"Isn't the principal a Dummy!"


Boy : "Isn't the principal a dummy?!"

Girl : "Well, do you know who I am?"

Boy : "No"

Girl : " I am the principal's daughter."

Boy : " Do you know who I am?"

Girl : "No"

Boy : "Thank Goodness" (sigh of relief)









My Mother Ate It


For weeks, a five year old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house.

One day, the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five year old boy was obviously impressed but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the anticipated event.

Finally, the teacher sat the child on her laps and said "Appu, whatever has become of the baby you were expecting at home?"

Appu burst into tears and confessed, " I think my mother ate it!"










Lost Dog

Manikam : I've lost my dog

Muthu : Have you tried putting a message on the Internet?

Manikam : Don't be silly, my dog never reads e-mails.









Look Around

Look at the world around you, you'll see God's creativity;

Look at the dinner table, you'll see God's providence;

Look at the mirror, you'll see God's sense of humour.






Job Interview


Interviewer : What is you birth date?

Kumar : 13 th October, sir.

Interviewer : Which year?

Kumar : Every year, sir.






Work Station


If a train station is where the train stops and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is work station?






Success formula



Be nice to people until you make your first million. After that people will be nice to you.






Lawyer's Fees

A new client had just come to see a famous lawyer.

Client : "Can you tell me how much you charge?"

Lawyer : "Of course, I charge RM200 for three questions".

Client : " That is a bit expensive,isn't it?"

Lawyer : "Yes, it is. What your third question."










Plastic Surgeon

The hospital had called Madam Zakiah to inform her that her eight-year-old son, Nizam had been hurt in a soccer match. She hurried over and saw that although his head and face were bruised, he'd be all right. The doctor said he'd have to call a plastic surgeon.

On hearing this, Nizam wailed, "I don't want a plastic surgeon,! I want a real one!"











Doctor's Exam-Definitions



Have you heard of Valliamma, applying to medical school to become a doctor? Needless to say , she never made it. Do you know why?

These are the answers she wrote in her entrance exam:

Antibody ------ against everyone

Artery ------ the study of paintings

Bacteria ------ back door to a cafeteria

Caesarean section--- a district in Rome

Cardiology------ advance study of poker playing

Cat scan ------- searching for lost kitty

Chronic -------- neck of a crow

Coma -------- punctuation mark

Cortisone ------- area around local court

Cyst ------- short for sister

Diagnosis ------- person with slanted nose

Dislocation ----- in this place

Duodenum ------ couple in blue jeans

Enema ------ not a friend

Fake labour------ pretending to work

Genes ------ blue denim

Hernia ------ she is close by

Impotent ------ distinguished/well-known

Labour pain------ hurt at work

Lactose ------ people without toes

Lymph ------ walk unsteadily

Microbes ------ small dressing gown

Obesity ------ city of Obe

Pacemaker ------ winner of Nobel Peace prize

Proteins ------ in favour of teens

Pus ------ small cat

Red blood count--- Dracula

Secretion ------ hiding anything

Tablet ------ small table

Ultrasound ------ radical noise

Urine ------ opposite of you're out

Varicose ------ very close











Doctor's Advice

A patient called his doctor:

Patient : Doctor, doctor, my son has swallowed my pen! What should I do?

Doctor : Use a pencil till I get there.











Lamppost

After the accident, I told the police at the balai polis( police station) I thought the driver of the other vehicle was drunk.

He told me the other vehicle was a lamppost!!!













Source

He , Who Laughs, Lasts by David Tong

One of my favourite books.